So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
