im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
