we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize