Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
