i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
