Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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