would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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