last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
