I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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