I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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