You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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