it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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