went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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