I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
