Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
