Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
