i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
