I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
