remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
