I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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