I accidentally had phone sex last night
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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