I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
