Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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