you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
