Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
