Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
