how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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