I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
