I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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