K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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