How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
