hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I believe in your delicious
All I want is dick and wine.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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