Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think my mom watched the whole time
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
