I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
