Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
