so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
