When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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