Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize