I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We smell like vodka and hangover
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