the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize