If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
