i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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