my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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