Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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