the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
