took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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