I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
