im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
