Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
