Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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