How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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