So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
