god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
