So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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