Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize