I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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