I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
