How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
