she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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