I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
