Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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