You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
