so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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