went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
