Can Purell be used as lube?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
